project - day 1

so our chef instructors are amazing. both of them are friendly, helpful, excited, eager. they are everything you hope a teacher will be, because what a miss-pairing it would be to group a bunch of excited cake enthusiasts together with anyone that was uninspired. it would be like pairing peanut butter and broccoli instead of jelly. (i could have said something like honey with Chai, rather than jasmine too - which by the way, i wouldn't recommend. i've made the mistake of putting honey in my Chai tea...bleh. nauseating.) i imagine peanut butter broccoli would equally be just that: a mistake. but either way, i'm in love with the chef instructors - they are perfect and excited and talented. couldn't ask for more.

we made a genoise cake and some pâte á bombe butter cream last night. we'll be assembling our cakes tomorrow night, so i'm excited to see how they came out. from the looks of it, my cake looked pretty good, but we won't get to inspect until then, so i'll just have to wait. i can't say i've ever made a genoise cake before. it's interesting because it doesn't use any chemical leavening, but rather a lot of air that is whipped into the egg/sugar mixture. one of the reasons that i love baking so much is because of the physical and chemical nature of the science that is cake. i don't think people realize how much goes into making a delicate, tender cake. of course, you realize this is why i rarely eat cake. i've become somewhat of a cake-snob. so many times i've had cake from bakeries that were obviously frozen (and at times, freezer-burnt), obviously tough and over glutenized, or poorly prepared and therefore, tasteless or greasy or over-infused with a very chemical vanilla flavor. (the list goes on...) well, it's often just a lot easier to pass on the cake altogether. (unless of course it's a family- or friend-made cake! a homemade cake goes a LONG way with me - because THAT is always a treat and there is nothing i am more blindly devoted to, or in love with, than the notion of love that goes into a cake like that!).

anyway, while our cakes were baking and cooling, we began to work on the pâte á bombe butter cream. it's a french butter cream that is made with soft-ball sugar. it made for a luxurious, rich flavor and incredibly smooth texture. it's very yellow in color as well (due to the egg yolk). i think it will be simply wonderful. of course, we had to wrap it all up and prepare for wednesday's cake assembly, so i'll have more details once i'm more well acquainted with the cake and butter cream we made. i'm looking forward to posting pics of my first project!

stay tuned. i'd write more, but i want to get back to studying. cake school homework is actually very intense and involved - and not at all like the baking and eating of said baked goods, that my family and friends would like to think it is. i am very committed to mastering and memorizing all of the new information, and true to FCI's promise of "full immersion," there was A LOT of information imparted to us last night, and you simply have to stay on top of it, or else get left behind, and that is not part of the game plan!

more to come!

xo

m

*ear to ear*

my smile that is. overstatement? i think not. but you tell me...

imagine you get to your new school. you weave your way through a bustling locker room, don your chef whites (minus the toque), your new leather shoes. you walk past the mirror and notice how surprisingly chef-ish you appear. a far cry from last weeks suit pants and high-heels. SO much more like the you that you feel comfortable being. you walk out into the lounge area - everything is so modern, stream-lined, open, bright. everyone looks like you. everyone seems to be smiling. there is a specific type of energy that permeates the hallway. nervous, jittery, excitable energy that vibrates and pulses out and around. as you walk, in this nervous, excited clump of your peers, you can't help but wonder what's next. not even what's next tonight, but what's next. in general. for life! for your next chapter! but you don't want to rush it.

then you make your way up to the brand new, sparkling, shiny, state-of-the-art, high-tech and professional-grade kitchen. there is nothing like it. standing by your personal pro-series Kitchen Aid Stand Mixer, running your hand down the handle of the Vulcan oven, along the handles of the All-Clad pots...seeing your beaming face reflected in the stainless-steel surfaces that surround you. there is nothing like it at all. especially when you live to play in this type of playground.

when you finally take your place, by a mixer, by a brand new set of books, and papers, a tool kit filled with tools from companies like Mercer and Ateco...not to mention the fact that you can't believe that May 9th is already here, you start to feel the surrealism close in on you.

all of that is more than enough to cause my ear-to-ear smile. sincerely. but there's more. SO. MUCH. MORE.

imagine you have spent most of your life devoted to the art of cake. granted, you have made plenty of 'cake wrecks' worthy of a place on that blog for cake mistakes. you've grown, you've honed your skills. you've invested a ton of money into this hobby, turned passion, turned way of life. it's beyond your control- the way you see the world in cake - it's just who you are now. you've spent years following the careers of your some of your favorite cake superstars. the sort that make cakes of the incomparable sort. the kind that are exquisite and enormous and extraordinary (and every other 'E' word that i can think of).

you realize that you've heard of your chef-instructor, Cynthia Peithman. not "heard of" like, "oh yeah, i think i've heard of her" but more like "oh wow, i know who that is! i've seen her work - in a bridal magazine!! i have her website saved as one of my favorites" - because you stalk cake like a big cat stalks impala on the African plains - only you don't want to eat it. you just want to watch it. stare. marvel. cake is your life. your prey. your passion. (you dream in cake, remember?) what an amazing gift you've given yourself, you think quietly. the things you will learn!!

there's even more that has you smiling, however.

you wait, listening to the chefs, the introductions, the stories. and then they say that "someone" wants to say hello. there's a hush that falls across the room, because everyone is holding their breath, wondering. but seconds later in walks one of your most favorite cake idols of all: Chef Ron Ben-Israel. and you can do nothing but smile. beam. glow. and that is all. just glow. nothing more. because that's the icing on the cake. (deliberate pun? but of course. unexpected? nope. cheesy? yup...but who cares!) you're within 2 feet of the person who is inadvertently responsible for your being here to begin with. because 5 months ago, you sent his company an email with a query regarding an internship, and he (himself!) wrote back and suggested you look into a new course at FCI. and you did. and you enrolled in something you wouldn't have known about until it was too late. until you couldn't be one of the lucky FIRST students ever. but now you are. one of the first. standing 2 feet from Chef RBI and in the only place you've ever wanted to be for a hundred million years.

and you tell me you wouldn't have a smile that goes from ear to ear.

that's what i thought.

xo

m

sinking in...

so it's the 'last-day-at-my-job-eve." isn't that some sort of holiday? i think it should be. now don't get me wrong. i'm not saying i "HATED" my job, because i don't. didn't. haven't. whatever. well, wait. as a matter of fact, up until this district, i DID hate my job. but this current district that i work for (or at least will work for up until the bell rings at 2:35pm tomorrow afternoon) is a wonderful place, filled with vibrant, talented people that make me laugh, that are so positive and happy, and that have really gone out of their way to make me feel like a part of the team. a staff member, even if only a temporary one. i'd like to think i made a teeny, tiny difference in the lives of at least one or two of my students. it's the end of an era really:

mandy: the teacher - she is leaving the building.

and with all the excitement of starting school and embarking on this new voyage, i guess i can't help but feel a little sad too. not because i'm not 1,000% excited to start cake school. but because i've invested so much into my teacher-self, that it's strange to intentionally walk away from it (even when you know you don't have much of a choice anyway.)

yes, i know there are no jobs. no opportunities. no potential for a real, full-time job. how many interviews have i gone on? how many HUNDREDS of times have i subbed in some random school here on long island? HUNDREDS of days being someone's substitute teacher. and in that time, been frustrated for 90% of them. i mean, "come home, kick your shoes off, slam the door, collapse face first on the bed and bawl my eyes out" kind of frustrated. it's never been easy. in a random burst of frustration-rage, i even yanked my framed Master's Degree diploma off the wall of my office once and tossed it (check that: slammed it, threw it down with incredible anger) in the SimpleHuman garbage can. (a framed piece of paper which was later rescued by my adoring husband with a sigh - who later put it quietly back up on the wall, and came into the bedroom with a glass of milk and a cookie for his very immature, albeit quirky, wife).

tonight is a night of reflection i guess. i wonder if those nights of anger and intense frustration are finally behind me. no more being nameless in a crowd? (i laugh) what better place to feel nameless in a crowd then hustling through Penn Station at rush hour, with a duffle bag slung across my back, carrying a chef's coat, a notebook and a bottle of water... like some encumbered salmon trying to swim against the current, while the whole world comes rushing at me, trying to get home to the place where THEY aren't so nameless. while me? i'll be pushing through hundreds of people, wondering how to figure out where the Q or A train is, and if that really is the best way to get to school.

it will be nameless, but in a different sort of way. in a way that makes sense. and what's more? well, i get the feeling that at FCI, i might not be so nameless after all. not once class gets started and i begin to build my skills, draw upon my talents, get to know people and hopefully carve a name for myself - carve it in a place that more than wants you to do so - and do it well. have i finally found the place to call home?

i secretly wonder if maybe the reason why every. single. door. has either been shut (slammed, or locked) on me was all so that i'd turn towards NYC. it's certainly why i have thrown myself into cake all these years. it's certainly why i dream in cake. and imagine my little, sun-filled cake shop. and let's face it, i never came to NYC to find a teaching job. ...did i just rubik's cube this? did i seriously isaac newton it and put 2 and 2 together? is it wrong to be so fatalistic? (especially because i'd like to think i'm the one in charge of purposefully changing my whole life around for this dream of mine). though, i'll be honest with you now... i am secretly (maybe not so secretly since i'm posting this on a public blog) hoping that building this dream into a reality is an unalterable reality, yet to come!

so i thought i'd post a list of things i'm hoping to accomplish while at FCI.

-write a LOT!

-earn an AMAZING internship with a cake-god! (i can't even say his name, for fear of frightening the dream away)

- figure out the subway/train thing, before i have to sell a kidney or get a fifth job!

- expand on my talents and earn some cake chef respect!

-and, make some friends in cake!

i sometimes wonder...who will i be when i've completed the course, looking back at these words. i wonder how i'll have changed. and i wonder where i'll be. will i have met RBI? (don't you DARE ask, "who?" how do you know me and NOT know? (i tease, i tease...but seriously... google it!) will i have scored an amazing internship? will i be impressed with ME? will i have grown exponentially? will i still be so nameless, so easily forgettable? or will i have found what i didn't realize was already here? will i have found exactly what i've been looking for... for all these years?

very reflective, pensive day indeed.

xo

m

the cakesperience has begun!

so maybe i've made up that word: cakesperience... but can you blame me? i'm over-the-moon excited about starting what i lovingly call "cake school." anyone that knows me knows why i'm excited! i mean, if you get too close, get in my general proximity, even look at me for one second too long...next thing you know, i'm yammering away about leaving my job, charging ahead, cake school, FCI, Chef RBI (don't you DARE tell me you don't know who that is!)

i've officially joined the ranks at FCI in NYC. it's a long-time dream of mine to walk the same halls as some of my culinary and pastry heros. and to learn from some of the most astoundingly talented people on the planet. yes, astoundingly!

earlier this afternoon, i attended the long awaited orientation meeting. suffice to say that i am IN LOVE with my school. just totally smitten. it's so funny to me to think that earlier this morning i was proctoring an exam at my job, handing out tissues to 7th graders and counting pencils to be collected - and then, next thing you know, i'm racing to a train, and contently sleeping whilst listening to my ipod, smiling and filled with excitement. it's amazing how much you can cram into a day (when you really try anyway).

everyone is amazing at school. friendly, helpful. everybody! i mean, if i didn't know better, i'd swear they were downright excited to meet us. and if i'm right, i think they probably ARE excited. this new course is running for the first time EVER! how exciting is that? i love that i'm part of the pilot course. that's just cool. and i'm not kidding when i say that as you walk the halls, and smell the food... you can't help but vibe on the energy.

one of the things i love about this experience is that it is literally a cornerstone in the foundation of my life. i've all but picked up a black sharpie and drawn a solid black line down the game plan. i looked at myself in the proverbial mirror and said, "well mandy... it's time to make the call. it's time to turn the page. go all in. go for it. be the you that you have been dreaming about being for a hundred, million years." and that's exactly what i kept saying to myself when i approached my department head, my boss, my parents, my whole world really... and told them that this was me- resigning. well, ending my job at one place so that i could really dig deep, and quit dreaming, and start DOING. and that is one of the reasons why i'm so excited about this experience. i doubt the people at school even have half a clue as to why i'm basically glowing! but i don't care. i'm finally putting myself out there and i'm going to see who i really am. ... and if i really am as creative as i'd like to think i am.

my plan for this little blog (as you know, i blog everything!)... is to chronicle my cakesperience here at FCI. share all that i'm going through. all my hopes and dreams (i don't care if that sounds sappy!) and mostly, share my thoughts. whatever they are. someday... someday soon, i'm going to be exactly who i want to be. and with any luck...you'll have gotten to read it as it happens.

all that being said, can i just tell you how funny it was to watch me try to find a cab back up to penn station today? omg, i'm SUCH a rookie! either that or it was rush hour and not many sleek and savvy NYers would have been able to either. either way, i BARELY made my train! i basically begged some (almost off duty) cab driver to take me up. he hesitated, saw the pathetic (pathetic!!) look in my eyes and said "ok." can i just ask: can someone please teach me about cabs? or the subway? or both? because it's going to be a long 6 months. (a long, EXPENSIVE 6 months) and honestly, most of my money is going towards my tuition! holy sadness batman, thank goodness for piggy banks.

there's so much to share, but i'm SO tired! been up since 5am. gotta get up at 5am again. only a few more days of work, before FCI begins. i can't hardly wait!

i'll be blogging more! SO much more!

xo

m